Unconditional love

Yesterday I made the hardest choice I have ever had to make. I was so grateful for the peace that was felt by the decision though so I knew it was the right choice. We put Thurston to sleep last night. I cradled his sweet little face as he went peacefully back to heaven. I am so grateful for the surety of my decision or else I don't think I could live with the aftermath. The sorrow is so overwhelming and the emptiness in our home is sorely felt.

I realize over the past year or so I have mostly complained to others about Thursty and his lack of sleeping at night due to his dementia (dog Alzheimer's) I was frustrated and lack of sleep never bodes well with me. So I want to tell you about all the wonderful things that he brought into our home for the past 14 1/2 years.

I got him just shortly after we moved to Texas and bought our first home. He was such a cute little guy with his purple tongue and zest for life. He ALWAYS had to be where I was- even up to the very end. He was always up for a walk around the block to chase the bunnies in the park. Good thing they were faster and he was on a leash. He brought such joy (and sometimes frustration- chewing carpet, drywall, kitchen floor, every couch cushion) into our lives.

We even threw him a first birthday party! I know, sadly obsessed, but he was my baby since at this time we were struggling with infertility and he was the one bright spot that I could shower my love and attention on. When we moved to Connecticut we drove all the way from Texas and Thurston was right there with us on the center console between both of our seats. The company would have paid to ship our SUV, but we knew Thurston wouldn't do well on the plane.

He was the best example of unconditional love. Even after getting in trouble for chewing a hole in the carpet for the second time the day after we had gotten it repaired he crouched over to me with his tail between his legs and said he was sorry and all is forgiven for me screaming at him.

I can still remember about a month before I delivered the twins Paul and I were driving in the car and I had this all consuming feeling of love for Thurston. I think I needed this as a reminder because once the kids came he was definitely low man on the totem pole. The day he bit (just a warning- no broken skin) Alexander I have never felt such mother bear instincts before. I felt that I could have done the unspeakable if he caused serious injury to my little guy. Yet later on he forgave me for going ballistic on him and always loved me.

In the end it has been difficult. There have been many long nights and frustrations. I just needed to have the confirmation that I was doing what was best for him- that I was not killing- but letting him go. Alyssa asked this morning if I had a peaceful nights sleep finally and no I didn't. I only got about 3 hours because the rest of the time was filled with memories and tears.

Telling the children and having them say goodbye was so difficult. Many tears were shed and are continuing to be shed. Loving and loosing a member of your family is beyond words and I hate for Alyssa and Xander to have to go through this. They are so brave. We have been so blessed with Thurston's spirit in our home and now he will continue on in our hearts. I know we made the right decision and now he is free of his aging body that was holding him back and he can run and play and be with my dad until we meet again...